Monthly Archives: April 2017

Drafting Red Flag Players

A lot of people look at the Joe Mixon situation and say “what a piece of shit, I don’t want him on our team.” 99% of me agrees with that. The 99% of me that believes in ladies first no matter what and says god bless you whenever somebody sneezes is in complete agreement with that. Guys like Joe Mixon should be punished far more severely than simply losing out on the first round bonus. Unfortunately, the NFL doesn’t really have a system in place to prevent these problems and guys like Vontaze Burfict, Tyreek Hill, and even Jalen Mills end up just being a late round steal for a team. So, there’s the 1% of me that doesn’t care what these players have done, and as long as they win me football games, I won’t care what kind of piece of shit I am rooting for.

The painful truth is that fans end up forgetting about a player’s dark side once he produces in the NFL. Not everyone will forget, but enough will for it to basically go away. Ray Lewis may have killed a guy or two, yet he went on to become a HOF and worked for ESPN for three years. Last year, Laremy Tunsil dropped like ten picks because of the pot mask, but he will still probably have a long career. Michael Vick did his time, and ran all over the Giants at the delight of a lot of dog lovers in Philadelphia. This year, there are a lot of guys with “red flags”. I’m here to break each situation down, and offer my opinion on the possibility of drafting each individual to the Eagles family.

Joe Mixon

If you haven’t watched the video, go ahead right now and hug a woman afterwards. So yeah, the guy is a real piece of shit. This might just be a one time thing, but it’s such a shitty, cowardly one time thing. Somebody is going to draft him in the second round and spew out BS that he deserves a second round chance yada yada. If someone is going to reap the benefits of getting the best running back in the draft in the 2nd round, why not us? I know that every part of that is morally wrong, but I don’t care. Draft him, put Brian Dawkins on his ass, and let this guy score touchdowns for us.

Dalvin Cook

Joe Mixon hit a woman and was caught on tape, but Dalvin Cook may have done the same thing. He was proven not guilty by a jury in 2015 after allegedly punching a woman outside of a Tallahassee bar. I know he was found innocent, but it’s not crazy to believe that he actually did do it. He was charged with robbery when he was 14, and even brought a gun to school and fired it in 2015. Somebody that stupid might be stupid enough to hit a woman. I think you should be even more concerned with this guy than you are with Mixon. I wouldn’t touch this guy since he would cost a 1st round pick. Anything after the second round, round him and his PB@J makin momma.

Reuben Foster

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Interview With Kutztown NFL Draft Prospect Jordan Morgan

“Jordan Morgan Jr. (Kutztown) – 6026, 313, H-10”, A-33 ¼”.Senior Bowl: Small college player who plays high with questionable balance. A waist bender who loses his knee bend on contact. High on pulls. Stops feet on contact. A raw developmental talent.” –

As a fellow Kutztown (GOLDEN) Bear, I knew it was my duty to get a couple of questions in with the Gene Upshaw Award Winner for best offensive lineman in D2 football, the PSAC East player of the year, Parkway West Alumni, Philadelphia’s own, Mr. Jordan Morgan. I asked Jordan these questions in the most journalist way possible…by DM’ing him through Instagram. Jordan is entering the NFL draft as one of the top guards projected to go in the 4th-5th round.

Q1: You walk outside for the first day of classes freshman year. The farm-poop smell fresh in the air at Kutztown University…Where did that Jordan Morgan think he would be in the year 2017?

I never imagined I’d be here. At first I wasn’t even sure if I’d make the final cut for the team my freshman year. But I always tried to put it to the back of my mind and just keep powering forward.

Keep in mind, Jordan was recruited as a walk-on accidentally. Coaches from Kutztown came to see someone else play at his high school and Jordan caught their attention.

Q2: At what point did you realize mauling defensive lineman might be a career for you?

My sophomore year of college I decided this was what I wanted to do with my life, but my junior year is when I started to see it come to fruition.

Q3: What advantages did a small school like Kutztown give you that a D1 school might not have been able to give?

I think it made me a harder worker. We didn’t have much, so we had to work that much harder for everything…that difference in resources teaches you the importance of hard work.

From what I have heard and even seen, the Kutztown football players don’t exactly have the state of the art facilities. They do conditioning drills in a gym that’s probably 100 years old, and we only have one gym on campus which is smaller than your average planet fitness.

Q4: I know just being in the NFL is enough in itself, but how much are you pulling for the Birds to take you in the draft?

I know they’re interested, but I don’t have a preference for where I play…I just want to play with the best people at the highest level.

As a die hard fan, drafting Jordan makes so much sense in that 4th-5th round range. The guards we have on the roster now aren’t proven to be anything long term, and now is the time to invest in protecting Carson Wentz. Give Carson a hard working monster like Jordan who also wasn’t a D1 guy to grow with and work hard with every day.

Jordan also told me that he plans on being home in Philly when he gets the call, and won’t be risking his ACL running up the art museum steps.

Go Birds. Go (GOLDEN) Bears.


Written by Mike Cloran

Image Source:

Delco Proper Hitting Comedy Central

I don’t think I could come up with a show any better than this. Delco Proper: a show about Delco, acted and created by a couple dudes from Delco.

If you get a pilot for Comedy Central, you’re doing a lot of things right. Since Workaholics is done, and It’s Always Sunny will be on its way out in due time, why not these guys? You guys remember “burrelled my girl”?

Yup, same guys in this video are the same guys doing this show. John Mckeever, from Delco is directing and starring in the show. If this show lasts more than even a season, theses guys should be given the key to Delco (if that’s a thing). They should be given a parade with cheap beer being tossed all around. We all knew deep down that Delaware County was more than a county, and now it’s time for the entire world to find that out. out the short clips on YouTube. This one is really funny. I can’t wait for this.

Written by Mike Cloran

Image Source: Delco Proper

Eagles Go 10-6, McCaffrey Is Better Than Zeke

So the Eagles schedule came out Thursday. Normal people might look at it and try to guess where our 9 wins will come from, but I don’t usually do that. I like to look at the games I can tailgate and watch at the Linc blacked out of my mind. I usually count on the game before Christmas to be that one, but this year we play ON Jesus’ birthday. I’m either heading down and getting a ticket, or my Uncles and Aunts are getting a show at home. In other news, here is my prediction of what will happen game by game:

Week 1:
Birds win 31-0. Mccaffrey goes for 300 total yards. Eagles fans claim he is better than Zeke Elliot.

Week 2:
Birds lose 31-0 to the Chiefs. Eagles fans want Andy Reid back and Doug fired.

Week 3:
Eli Manning gets caught selling his cleats to me in the parking lot. He gets suspended and birds win 24-7.

Week 4:
Eagles lose just because.

Week 5:
Carson Palmer tears both ACL’s in one play and retires after the game. Birds win 27-10.

Week 6:
Eagles lose on game winning FG. I spend that Sunday night quietly pondering life in my room wondering if being an Eagles fan is worthy of my time.

Week 7:
Kirk Cousins poops his pants and Eagles win. I love the birds!

Week 8:
Eagles lose to the 49ers somehow. I fucking hate the Eagles man.

Week 9:
Tony Romo comes out of retirement to play for the Broncos. Vinny Curry breaks everything in his back and Romo is back in the booth. Eagles are 5-4 heading into the bye.

Week 11:
Can we please just win this game. Please. Eagles go 6-4?

Week 12
Is Rex Grossmann still QB? Eagles go 7-4

Week 13:
Eagles lose to Seattle all because we won some stupid meaningless week 17 game last year. God damnit.

Week 14:
Eagles win and Jared Goff quits football. Eagles are 8-5.

Week 15:
Eli Manning is back from his suspension (he sold me A LOT of cleats) and Brandon Marshall does bad things to Jalen Mills.

Week 16:
Eagles win despite Wentz going down with a hand injury. Nick FOLES throws for 7 TD again. Eagles are 9-6!

Week 17:
Eagles beat the Cowboys for the division. Wentz is better than Dak and McCaffrey gets his 2,000th rushing yard.

10-6 it is!

Pro Bowlers: Jason Kelce

Written by Mike Cloran

Image Source: CSNPhilly

Don’t Draft Christian McCaffrey

It makes almost too much sense, right? The Eagles are in need of a running back, McCaffrey is a great scheme fit due to his versatility and he seems like the perfect character guy to pair with Carson Wentz. While all of this is true, taking a running back with the 14th overall pick in the NFL Draft would be a huge mistake.

Take a look at this list below. It’s the top 10 rushing leaders in the NFL last year. How many of them do you think were first round picks?

The answer is one and he’s a huge pussy.

The next list is the RBs who led the league in receiving last year. How many do you think were top 14 picks?

The answer is a whopping 0.

These two stats alone are enough for me. There is so much RB value later in drafts that taking a guy in the first round is absurd. Especially when he doesn’t project to be an every down NFL running back.

I like McCaffrey. I think he could turn out to be a really good player in this league. I just don’t think he’s worth using a first round pick on when there are so many other positions of need that can be filled with the selection.

Let’s look at the measurable for Alvin Kamara, who probably grades out to be a late second, early third round pick and compare them to McCaffrey.

I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather “settle” for a guy in the 2nd or 3rd round with better measurables, comparable stats and less wear and tear while also gaining a difference maker on defense at 14. A guy like Kamara along with Gareon Conley or Derek Barnett will be much more productive for your team as a whole than McCaffrey and guys like Teez Tabor or Jordan Willis.

The Eagles have way too many holes on the roster to use a first round pick on a position where there is so much value later in the draft. McCaffrey would be exciting, but the Eagles should not pull the trigger on him if he’s available at 14.

Written by Eric Quinn

Image Source: Kirby Lee – USA Today Sports

Analyzing Claude Giroux’s Hungover Exit Interview

After watching Claude Giroux’s exit interview, a couple of things came to mind.

  1. Claude Giroux looked like complete, utter shit

Yep. Definitely hungover here. Water AND a Wawa coffee. he probably got his girl to run and grab him 6 Wawa breakfast sandwiches and the drinks to regain sanity.He’s pale as hell because he was yacking up the Labatt Blues he slammed with Steve Mason the prior evening.

  1. Is Claude Giroux doing the cocaine?

“There was times in the season when I was feeling really good, and then they kind of dipped down a little bit.” – Claude Giroux

OVERALL THEORY (What probably happened):

The Flyers went 9-14 after the 10 game winning streak. Claude reached out to his old buddies Richie and Carter and asked advice on how to deal with adversity.

Mike Richards: “Hey man, sometimes you need some nose beers to keep the jam going. The only way to deal with being captain is to let loose.”

Jeff Carter: “Well I used to take my frustrations out on Hartnell’s wife sexually, but yeah cocaine will work my man. I’ll give you Carcillo’s number.”

They probably said something along the lines of that.

This would explain why the captain is getting so much shit. He started out playing pretty well, then would have stretches where he wouldn’t score a goal for ten games. The drugs and alcohol have taken a toll on the now 29 year old center. 24-27 year old Claude could probably handle the fast game and the fast life, but that is no longer. Claude Giroux isn’t a bad leader, he just probably enjoys the extra curricular activities a little too much. We all love a guy who gets stupid, but not when he’s 30 and supposed to win us a cup.

I think Claude Giroux knows it’s time to start drinking some protein shakes and cut the beer intake. He sounds so sad in this interview, probably because he knows these days are over.

It’s time for extremely hairy chested, 30 year old veteran Giroux to arise. Claude Giroux is getting married. The wife will not only keep Giroux’s dick and balls on a leash, but will likely be keeping his liver clean on weekends by binge watching whatever the hell Canadian people watch. Claude getting cuffed =  Claude winning the 2018 Hart Trophy.

Written by Mike Cloran

Image Source: CSNPhilly

Ben Simmons Got Taller And Boston Fans Are Shitting Themselves

Hey Boston, you should take a look at what WE HAVE

Ben Simmons

–        7 FEET TALL Point Guard

–        Can pass better than Larry Bird

–        He’s like two feet taller than Isiah Thomas

Joel Embiid

–        8 Feet tall center

–        Can shoot better than Ray Allen in his prime

–        Better defender than Bill Russell

T.J McConnell

–        Really cool irish last name.

–        More grit than Dustin Pedroia

Dario Saric

–        Better than Larry Bird

Yeah, you might want to trade those picks for Paul George, Baston. The future is ours baby.

Written by Mike Cloran

Image Sources: Philly Influencer, Pittsburgh Post-Gazzette, John Raoux

Can We All Just Get Along?

I  was listening to America’s best podcast Pardon My Take yesterday and they brought up something I’ve long wondered. Why do hockey bros hate the NBA and it’s fans so much? And vice versa? Why can’t someone like two awesome sports concurrently? Let’s investigate

Reason #1 is this false narrative the #PleaseLikeMySport hockey fans push that hockey players are an inherently tougher breed of human. A byproduct of genetic makeup or environment, they think basketball players are pussies and hockey players are not. And to that I say SHUT UPPPPP. I mean I like playoff hockey and I’m an NBA fan so i’m obviously biased but let’s look at facts.

It’s simply irrefutable that hockey injuries are predominantly skeletal. Fractures, breaks, bones and that shit. Basketball is predominantly muscular. Sprains, tears, cramps dislocations and all that jazz. It’s no secret muscle injuries are extremely more debilitating and painful. So when Patrice Bergeron plays a game with a fracture rib it doesn’t really mean shit. He’s got 15 lbs of pads on and that shit is WRAPPED. Can’t do much when trying to sprint up and down the hardwood with a grade 2 ankle sprain except wrongly call the guy a pussy.

In fact, in my completely made up study in which basketball and hockey players had the same or similar injuries, basketball players recovered an average of 6.9 days quicker. Impressive!

The other major factor is that the two leagues’ seasons overlap. Stanley Cup and NBA playoffs are usually within a couple weeks of each other beginning and end. And there’s no denying how electric both those sports’ playoffs are.

My point is, that although hockey fans are hardos and basketball fans are annoying why can’t we all just get along? Why can’t i religiously watch the NBA regular season then flip on NHL playoffs? As we enter some of the best couple sports months of the year, let us keep this in mind without getting in daily twitter fights over which sport to like.

Written by Brendan Feeney

Image Sources:,

It’s Officially Time To Move Forward

So, we just lost out on the playoffs. As much as that makes me want to hurt a small child, I’m not going to Glen Macnow about it.

That’s such a shitty, stupid take. Just because we didn’t trade third round picks to rent our way into a 7 seed, doesn’t mean we failed. If you take the time to examine this team, it’s pretty clear they are not a playoff team. We had three, maybe four NHL caliber defenseman on the ice every night, and an extremely pass heavy team without a single sniper. The veteran core we have now will max this team out to at least be in playoff contention every year. Making the playoffs is a nice bonus for a team in a rebuild.

Bad News

Giroux is another year older. I’m still not trading him, but decline is starting to show a little. I don’t think we will ever see 93 point season Claude Giroux, or even 80 point Claude Giroux, but if his health holds up we can see Claude get back into the 70 point range if the guys around him get better.

We have no idea who will start in net for next year. Michal Neuvirth just passed tf out, and can’t be counted on to play more than 40 games in a season. We have prospects, but we need to bring someone in we can count on. (Cough, cough should have signed Mason instead)

Our defense as it stands is garbage. We will be relying on a bunch of rooks to give us heavy minutes next year.

I don’t know if Hakstol will endure. Kinda sucks because I really liked him from the start. I think he gets another year.

Good News

Travis Sanheim, Oskar Lindblom, Cap space, Robert Hagg, Sam Morin.

Sanheim and Lindblom are going to be impact guys right from the start. Sanheim is probably the third best defenseman on the team next year and Lindblom could push for a top 6 forward role.

For the first time in the Hextall era we will have some cap space to work with.

This free agency class kind of sucks, but we can afford to overpay someone short term.

This team will really start to look home grown next year. Out goes (probably) Del Zotto, Nick Schultz, Chris Vandevelde and in will come Sanheim, Lindblom, Laughton, and possibly Morin and Hagg.

–        The building will continue

–        1st round pick (somewhere in the middle)

–        2nd round pick

–        (2) 3rd round picks

–        (3) 4th round picks

This team has to change. I don’t think we need to make any trades, but I want to see a lot of new faces next year. Bring in Vecchione, Lindblom, Sanheim, Morin, Hagg, a free agent or two and I really like our chances to get back in the playoffs next year.

Written by Mike Cloran

Image Sources: Jim McIsaac, Patrick Smith, and Nina Weiss

2017 Phillies Preview

While Mother Nature continues to screw with us with inconsistent weather, one thing that is certain is that baseball season is finally here.

While expectations aren’t high after coming off a 71-win season in 2016, there are some intriguing storylines and players that will make this season at least slightly more bearable to watch than the last few.

Here’s what you need to know about the Phillies heading into the season opener in Cincinnati.

Manager: Pete Mackanin

General manager: Matt Klentak

Payroll: $102.9 million

2016 record: 71-91 (4th in NL East)

What the lineup looking like?

  1. Cesar Hernandez (2B)
  2. Howie Kendrick (LF)
  3. Odubel Herrera (CF)
  4. Maikel Franco (3B)
  5. Michael Saunders (RF)
  6. Tommy Joseph (1B)
  7. Freddy Galvis (SS)
  8. Cameron Rupp (C)

This is all but set in stone. Hernandez came on strong in the second half of the year and could battle Odubel for the team lead in average and steals. Veterans Kendrick and Saunders were brought in to bring some run production to an outfield that was one of the worst in baseball in 2016. They both have deals that expire after the season. Franco will look to improve on a mediocre 2016, and should benefit with some more protection in the lineup. It will be interesting to see what Joseph with a full season of at-bats — he smacked 21 homers in just 107 games last year. Galvis hit belted a career-high 20 bombs last year, but batted a measly .241 with a .274 OBP. The Phillies coaches have preached using a lighter bat hitting line drives to the six-year veteran, but it remains to be seen if he’ll buy in.

How about the starting rotation?

  1. Jeremy Hellickson (RHP)
  2. Jerad Eickoff (RHP)
  3. Clay Bucholz (RHP)
  4. Vince Velasquez (RHP)
  5. Aaron Nola (RHP)

What seems to be missing here? That’s right, a left-handed pitcher. None at all in the rotation and none in the higher levels of the pipeline, either. Hellickson will be the Opening Day starter for the second straight season after accepting a $17.2 million qualifying offer to return to the Phils. He posted a 3.71 ERA (his best since 2012) last season, and started a career-high 32 games. Eickhoff was a bright spot for the pitching staff last year, winning 11 games. He’s coming off his first-full MLB season and has arguably the best secondary stuff on the staff. The 32-year-old Bucholz was acquired from Boston after he became expendable following the trade for Chris Sale. He’ll add some veteran leadership to the rotation. Bucholz was known for being wildly inconsistent throughout his time in Boston, but Phils’ management hopes a slight change in pitching mechanics implemented toward the end of last season will bring more success to the righty. Nola suffered a right elbow strain last July and missed the final two months of the ’16 season. He says he’s 100 percent now, but has been getting shelled for most of spring training. All eyes will be on him early on to see how effective and healthy he actually is.

Who’s in the Pen?

  1. Jeanmar Gomez (RHP)
  2. Joaquin Benoit (RHP)
  3. Pat Neshek (RHP)
  4. Hector Neris (RHP)
  5. Edubray Ramos (RHP)
  6. Adam Morgan (LHP)
  7. Joely Rodriguez (LHP)

Gomez returns as the team’s closer after notching 37 saves last year, while the veteran Benoit, signed for $7.5 million for 2017, will serve as his setup man. Neshek was acquired for virtually nothing from Houston, as they were looking to cut down a crowded bullpen, but he’s been one of the best relievers in the game over the last five or so years. Neris struck out 102 batters in 80.1 innings last season and has potential closer stuff. Ramos put together a tremendous spring and will look to build on a solid rookie campaign in which he had a 3.83 ERA in 42 games. Morgan won a job with his own strong spring, allowing just five runs in 18.1 innings, and will be the team’s long man. The 25-year-old Rodriguez will serve as Pete Mackanin’s lefty specialist.

Who are the top prospects we could see in Philly this year?

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