Category Archives: Fantasy Football

No One Cares About Your Fantasy Team

The Carolina Panthers and Denver Broncos officially kick off the 2016 NFL Regular Season tonight, and unless you spend your Sunday afternoons watching the PBA on ESPN, you’re probably playing fantasy football this season.

And I’m here to tell you that no matter how good your team looks on paper and how good it actually might be, nobody cares.

At all.

First and foremost, nobody wants to hear how drunk you got at your draft party and how your pal Steve had to autodraft the last 5 round because he got diarrhea after eating the potato salad your girlfriend made for the event.

Especially early in the season, don’t talk how you’re going for the undefeated season. So you’re 4-0 after four weeks. Cool story, Chad. You’ll probably finish 5-9 and come up with some tired excuse as to how the league commissioner rigged the league.

Don’t be that guy who comes into work on Monday telling all your coworkers about how Aaron Rodgers scored you 59 points or how Dan Bailey set a fantasy record for kicker scoring — or how you need Demaryius Thomas to get juuuuust 495 yards receiving on Monday Night Football to win your matchup.

Those guys around the water cooler may look interested — I assure you, they don’t care. The fact that you told them about it will probably make them root against you. You’re likely already not well liked in the office from telling everyone about your fantasy baseball season, so keep the football chatter to a dull roar.

Like I said, most of us play the game, we watch on Sundays, and we have no interest in the league you set up so you could wreck your pre-teen cousins and feel good about yourself.

Don’t tell people how much money you’ve put into your fantasy leagues, either. That $1,000 buy-in keeper league you’ve been doing for years sounds exciting for everyone who’s in the league and nobody else. If you’re that invested in fantasy sports that you’re dropping a grand for a league, please find a new hobby.

I’m a fan of raising the stakes in a league as much as the next guy, but to a certain extent. Don’t go overboard.

The fact that you’re in 15 leagues really doesn’t impress anyone, and we all know you’re only going to tell us how you’ve won the most titles since starting the league in 7th grade with your buddies — plus, you’re now 26. Furthermore, dropping $10,000 for those 15 leagues you’re in doesn’t make us think you’re rolling in the dough; it actually makes us think you’re a complete and utter moron.

Also, the story about the player you wanted to pick up but who you couldn’t get because your buddy was ahead of you in the waiver process? Yup, people don’t give a shit about that either.

Perhaps most of all, people don’t want to hear your sob story about how you’re the highest scoring team but “faced the wrong team at the wrong” time and are out of the playoff picture.

We’ve heard it before, and we have zero sympathy for you.

So please, do yourself a favor and don’t bring up your fantasy league. Not only do your coworkers not care, your friends and the people in your own league don’t either.

Written by Tyler DiSalle

Image Source: dailysnark.com

Are Any Eagles Worth Coveting in Fantasy?

Regular season football is almost here. Hallelujah hallelujah. This means the beginning of fantasy football as well. Drafts should be in full force over the next nine days as the third week of the preseason is over and all the studs should be idle waiting for the real games to start. No more worrying about devastating preseason injuries (lol @ Tony Romo) that could derail your fantasy season before it even started for those who drafted too early.

If you’re anything like me, one of your favorite things is getting at least one Eagle on your squad. It’s a double win on Sundays when a Bird scores in a game and he is also on your fantasy team. This is also why I usually try as hard as I can to refrain from drafting any Cowboys, Giants or Redskins because that forces me to somewhat cheer for them to perform well statistically. Yack.

Back in the early Chip Kelly days this was great. Guys like Foles, Jackson, Maclin and Shady were lighting up the stat sheets. Now a days, not so much. Our offense is about as vanilla as they  come and Doug Pederson’s scheme looks like it’ll be a lot of dink and dunk with an emphasis on ball control. A very sound football strategy that sucks for fantasy purposes.

Let’s take a look at who you should take a chance on and who to stay away from on the Eagles roster come draft day.

Quarterback

Don’t touch them. Like stated earlier, this offense lends itself to running the ball and quick short passes. The west coast scheme can have a big play aspect to it, but not with this personnel. In standard fantasy leagues you only carry two quarterbacks, if not just one. Bradford is not worth a roster spot. The only way he should ever make it onto your team is if your guy is on a bye and he has a juicy match-up. Otherwise, stay away.

If you’re in a dynasty league you could take a flier on Wentz in the late rounds and stash him but even that is a bit of a stretch.

Running Back

The RB position is really weak this year. For the first time in my fantasy career I would take a WR if I had the first overall pick. Ryan Mathews is a low end RB2 and a high end RB3. It’s really all about health with him which is a huge if. If he can stay upright, Mathews will tote the rock upwards of 15 times per game and catch passes out of the backfield. Volume is what you’re looking for in a fantasy RB and Mathews will have the first shot at getting a substantial amount of it on this roster. Last year he posted four double digit fantasy games in standard scoring. That was with him being hurt for a couple contests as well as being a secondary option most of the year to DeMarco Murray. Mathews could surprise fantasy owners with a solid year if he can avoid the injury bug. Look to draft him in the late 6th or early 7th round.

Darren Sproles could be worth one of your final 3 picks if you just want to have an Eagle on your team. His production is not consistent enough to merit starting him on a given week or even keeping him on your roster. If for some reason you’re desperate enough to start him at any point due to a heavy bye week or injuries you better hope he breaks off a huge play or returns a punt for a TD.

Barner/Smallwood aren’t worth drafting. Look to snag one of them off the waiver wire when Mathews goes down with a nagging injury.

Wide Receiver

Read more